I kissed them goodnight, each one of them: Angelina, Melanie, Valerie, Sophie, Katherine and many others. I knew name of each one of them, I knew their story. Even when I was about to rest in my dreams, over the night, I still had them in mind. I prayed on them and for them, about them and with them.
I shattered in hundreds of little pieces, giving myself to these women and, eventually, disappearing. Slowly and gently my mind shifted from the world to the pages of my diaries. I was soaked and dipped in their lives like a chocolate coated strawberry, I must admit though, it came out tasting sour. Only thing that I was left to hold on was my name – I understood too late that I have created a monster. Everything else: my friends, work, photos, and precious memories of first steps, first laugh, first date and first kiss were gone.
Emptiness was spiraling around me like a night hawk, ready to kill and ready to feast. It took one switch: from “on” to “off” and I was gone, like Marilyn was. I was locked in four concrete walls, surrounded by pure whites. Slowly, with time, this ugly fact of my life saw the light.
People were talking, people were laughing. Everyone knew what happened and no one knew why.